Hot Candy Land review

If you’re a functioning (or semi-functioning) adult who's decided to spend your time playing a game that was obviously designed for pre-teen boys then you might either get really immersed into the world of ‘Pornwood’ which it so cheaply presents, or you might knock it off after a few minutes of playing because you’ve seen just about everything there is to see in that time – the choice depends on your IQ, attention span, and most of all your priorities. If you have nothing better to do than spend hours on a browser-based porn game with crudely-drawn Western-style art then you should definitely give this game a try.

There really is nothing too captivating or dynamic about this game’s gameplay – the whole gameplay is based on point and click mechanics which take you all across Pornwood as you beat up rival pimps, have sex with cougars, earn money and star in porno flicks. As soon as you start this game you’re introduced to a helpful blonde that talks you through the entire goddamn game – as it wasn’t simplified for you enough. The people who made this game knew that only the most dimwitted people could possibly enjoy playing it, and they knew exactly what would keep their minuscule reward centers buzzing: A bikini-clad cartoon blonde that tells you exactly what you need to do in order to progress through this game. Now you can always turn her off and go around by yourself to explore the world of Pornwood, but the game isn’t really that challenging, to begin with, so I don’t see why you would want to distract yourself with such trivialities.