House Of Taboo review

Thankfully, it was none of those things. For all of the bad things that go on in the world, we’re still free from such a restrictive place. House of Taboo is centered around taboo porn of a much more entertaining variety: BDSM porn.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. You can’t even convince a girl to let you fuck her fully clothed in the missionary position with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation, so obviously, you have a lot to learn when it comes to stuff like this.

So let’s start with the basics, shall we? What is BDSM?

The B stands for bondage: basically, using ropes, handcuffs, and whatever else can be found to restrict and restrain a person into a variety of positions. You can tie a girl to a bed, hang her from the ceiling, or just bind her and leave her immobile on the floor. I know you’ll never find a girl willing to let you do this to her, but hey, that’s what porn is for. Or, if you’re into it, it’s probably easier to find one who will tie you up. Just don’t blame me when she leaves you tied to the bed and decides to rob you instead of riding your cock as she promised.

Next up is the D: this one is a two-parter standing for dominance and submission. In the BDSM subculture, you’re either a dom (somebody who takes control and gets what he wants) or a sub (basically a sex object to be used by the dom). Being a dom is obviously the best role here, but I recognize that not everyone is like me. If you want to be abused by some big strong girl be my guest, but my preference here is to take control of a tiny little slut by showing her who’s boss.

S and M go together to stand for sadomasochism—inflicting and receiving pain for sexual enjoyment. Once again, I prefer staying on one side of this. If you haven’t experienced it, you might not understand the pleasure of making a big-butted whore beg to be spanked until her ass gets so red that she cries and begs for you to stop. Granted, you’re once again more likely to be on the receiving end of these beatings… but at least you’ll have the joy of knowing you’re bringing somebody else pleasure, I guess?

As an added bonus, BDSM is basically the only way you can beat the shit out of a girl without going to prison. If you’re getting a bit fed up with your girlfriend and want to slap her around without consequences, introduce her to the world of BDSM porn. Then, next time she starts going on and on about her problems at work, suggest that you relax with a nice video from House of Taboo. Start dropping hints about trying it for real. If she suggests it, you’ve got plausible deniability. Don’t come to me if that doesn’t hold up in court, though.